‘No’ means ‘no,’ you little tyrant

user-gravatar Headshot

We’re back on the road today, traveling between our home state of Ohio and the familiar territory of North Carolina. We stopped for lunch at the Beckley Travel Plaza, after a brief discussion about possibly having lunch at Southern ‘X’ Posure – where meals are served by ‘beautiful women who are totally nude.’ I’m all for making a living, but the implications of serving a sizzling fajita platter while totally nude don’t bode well for server or patron, so we passed and settled for the food court — where meals are served by completely clothed and blatantly surly teenagers.


It’s a busy season at the travel plaza, families are out in droves during the summer, forcing their bratty children upon the innocent public. There seems to be an epidemic of tiny tyrants, who are facilitated in their ass-holiness by parents who can’t seem to say the words, ‘NO’, or ‘SHUT UP OR I WILL BEAT YOU IN PUBLIC’. The food court positively crawls with little monsters, demanding Starbucks and stuffed monkeys with suction cup hands and feet. Weary parents hand over their debit cards, in hopes of quelling the constant bellowing, to no avail. Here’s an idea — leave their little asses in the car.


My dad once made me stay in the car for every stop between Montgomery, Alabama, and Tulsa, Oklahoma, because I pitched a fit for a Jolly Rancher. He let my mom escort me to and from the bathroom, but I was absolutely not allowed to go into the store, under penalty of a daddy spanking. Consequently, I’m still thrilled every time I get a goodie at a truck stop. Thanks, Dad, for making me appreciate the little things in life.


Entitlement is the curse of our future. People who are given every single thing they ask for have no concept of wanting – which is what our great country was built on. People wanted to be free, they wanted to practice their religion as they saw fit and they wanted to prosper. The next time I see a nine year old throw her milkshake down and scream, “I WANTED STARBUCKS!”, I’m going to explain this to her in my best Samuel L. Jackson voice, after I fling her stupid suction cup monkey to the ground and stomp on it. This concludes today’s parenting lesson. You’re welcome.