Uncle Pinky won’t admit his guilt

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We are fortunate to have plenty of family and friends along the way. I’m related to about 80% of Georgia, Alabama and North Carolina, and my husband has people in South Carolina and Virginia, so the East Coast is pretty nice for us. There’s always a cousin within a hundred miles and we try to visit when we have a few minutes to spare.

We were able to stay with my brother and his wife this weekend, which meant being able to see our beautiful niece, who happens to be the most awesome baby ever. Uncle George is smitten. It’s really sweet to watch the burly trucker melt when she raises her hands for him to pick her up.

The day before we left, she woke up with a swollen, red eye. It looked as if she had scratched her eyelid, the sclera was clear and blah, blah, nurse words, nurse words, it didn’t appear she had an infection. Uncle George was disturbed, none the less. I couldn’t help myself, I had to mess with him.

“You gave that baby pinkeye.”

He was horrified.

“I DID NOT. You have to have pinkeye to give it to someone, I don’t have pinkeye.”

“Yes you did. You farted on her pillow and gave her pinkeye.”

“She doesn’t even have a pillow, and I didn’t fart on it. You can’t get pinkeye from a fart.”

“Oh, so now you’re a doctor. I’m going to write a story about you giving a baby pinkeye.”

“I DID NOT GIVE HER PINKEYE. Please don’t write anything about me farting on a baby, I would never do that.”

“Too late. I already posted a blog. I titled it, ‘Uncle Pinkeye’.”

“SERIOUSLY? That’s messed up! I’m going to have to start my own blog to defend allegations of farting on babies and having stinky feet. Cut that crap out, really.”

“Uncle Pinkeye McFart.”

“Stop it. Really. You’re messed up.”

“Everyone hide your pillow so Uncle Pinkeye doesn’t sully it.”

“Shut up. For real.”

“What are we doing today, Pinky? The same thing we do every day, fart on babies and give them pinkeye.”

“I hate you.”

“Is that a pillow over there? Change the cover, Uncle George is in town.”

“I hope your brother doesn’t mind driving you back to Ohio.”

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“I’m sure he won’t. He wasn’t mad at you for giving his baby pinkeye.”


“It’s okay, Uncle George. She still loves you, even though you rendered her blind in one eye.”

“I’m not listening to you.”

“Babies are resilient.”