‘Train horn: first person brings me $25 can have it, come on.’

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“I got good green, good white! Good green, good white, channel 24!”

I don’t think he’s talking about lettuce.I don’t think he’s talking about lettuce.

Pretty much anyone who has ever been through West Memphis with a CB on has heard this guy. He’s got good green, good white, good purple, yellow and ecru. OK, maybe not ecru, but it’s such a hard color to achieve properly, the delicate balance between tan and beige is difficult, to say the least.

I wonder every time we got through if anyone in the history of mankind has ever been desperate or stupid enough to actually go to channel 24 and arrange their own arrest via CB. At the very least, you’re looking at spending the night in a West Memphis jailhouse, and at the worst, this person is going to lure you into a dark corner of the parking lot, rob you, and chop you up into little pieces.

Sitting in the parking lot of some truck stops is like having a live version of “Home Shopping Network.” People sell all kinds of things on what I refer to as CB-bay.

“I got a train horn, first person brings me $25 can have it, come on.”

Our son in law wants a train horn for his pickup truck — George decided to go look at it.

“Where you at, driver?”

He was in a company (that I’ll not mention) flatbed, but he not only gave his location, he gave a very detailed rundown of his experiences for the past three days and, in the interest of brevity, I’ll summarize by saying this driver had had it and was selling everything in that truck he owned and going home.

The horn turned out to be a for-real train horn, like with its own tank system and customized brackets – it wasn’t one of the nice little package deals you get at Iowa 80, it was waaay too much for a pick up truck. George told him, “Thanks, but no thanks, and good luck to ya.”

“Aw c’mon man, twenty-five bucks is a hundred less than I paid for it, I’ll give ya the U-bolts and throw in a house plant.”

“A what?”

“A house plant, man. I got a real nice house plant I’ll give ya if you buy the horn.”

“Shit man, I got enough to worry about keeping myself alive out here; I don’t need a house plant to worry about, too.”

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“Well hey, I got other stuff, I got 500 CDs, I’ll sell em’ a dollar each….”

“Nah, thanks man, I gotta get going.”

“Inverter? I got two inverters…”

Shopping, trucker style.

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