Here’s to those who didn’t make the printed stories of 2017. The people too weird or fleeting to create an entire post around, the folks I probably would have never seen or experienced without travel and trucking, but the very people who make this whole thing interesting, and interestingly enough, make me feel whole.
Here’s to the guy in Pittsburgh, who had what can only be described as one of the most spectacular meltdowns I have ever personally witnessed from a full-grown man. You sir, you set the standard for “people to stay the hell away from at truck stop fuel desks when the computer is laggy.” I swear if you hadn’t been so completely overwrought about the 14 seconds added to your day by a snafu in a shower credit, I might have offered you a tissue to cry yourself a pitiful little river over. Holy cow, dude. Calm the doo-lolly down, brother, you’re not going to live very long if you keep that up.
As far as the lady in St. Louis, who was so extra-cool to the waitress about a kitchen mix-up that caused her to have to have her eggs and toast wrapped up and taken with her, instead of eaten like eggs and toast should be, at a table, I’m sticking with what I told you the day I watched you do it – I love people like you. You make the world a better place with patience and, Lord knows, we need more of you. You could have pitched the hairy mother of a fit, and been fully refunded, but you were cool, and you still tipped the waitress, and that’s just awesome stuff that bears mentioning.
My personal favorite, and someone I probably would have liked to have had the time to hang out with, had she not been heading to county jail in Southern Ohio and we in the opposite and lawful direction of Toledo, was the drunk lady in Cincinnati, staggering around the parking lot, screaming about being stripped of her “livil ciberties” that were based on the “coneva genvention,” right before she started bashing a shoe, which didn’t appear to be her own, because she was clearly wearing two, on the windshield of a Jeep Cherokee in the White Castle drive-thru.
Fight for your rights, sister. And I will spend the rest of time wondering where you got the third shoe.
Happy New Year, y’all. Here’s to a beautiful and prosperous 2018.