One reason new truck drivers often quit soon after starting is the loneliness that can come with spending endless hours in a truck, away from friends and family. For seasoned drivers who have adapted to it, it’s just a way of life. Back in the day, our only contact with the outside world was mediated in-cab via the radio, or else required a stop at a pay phone to make check calls, get load information, call home. Many truck stops had phones at the table to kill two birds with one stone and eat while we touched base.
Then it was back on the road, alone.
When we stopped for the night, we often found ourselves sitting in the driver’s lounge of the truck stop, watching a show we didn’t really want to see, just to be around other people. At the same time, it was in just such a room full of people like that where I realized how alone it can still feel, even in a room full of people.
These days we’ve got a phone on the dash, a TV in the bunk and a laptop to explore the online world. We’re in better touch with friends and family, by and large, but plenty truckers still face the burden of loneliness.
It feels crazy, absurd, but the very technology we use to connect often seems to intensify the loneliness -- we are connected, yet disconnected. The psychology of it is akin to FOMO, or “Fear of Missing Out,” the emotional state brought on by the sense you’re outside of essential experiences others are enjoying. Social media and its constant updates on the lives of other people, though offering a superficial connection, for many just compound the problem.
For anyone battling loneliness and feelings of isolation, I first recommend:
Practice self-kindness. Holding yourself responsible for loneliness is simply not helpful. Give yourself a break, limit negative self-talk, and take care of yourself. I know, I know -- easier said than done after a long day navigating four-wheelers, dealing with traffic jams and rude shippers and receivers, when all we want to do is sit back, eat a meal and relax. Making a habit of sedentary coping like that will lead to health issues that in turn can be a big hit to self-esteem and lead to serious depression. Take a walk, remove your shoes, and feel the grass and dirt beneath your toes. Call an Uber to get to a gym or spa, or get a massage. The point is: Don’t just fall into a routine that will one day make things worse. Rethink how you use your free time.
[Related: The lonely road: Downtime pursuits for sanity]
Capitalize on the present. If something good happens, share it with others, not just on social media. Call a friend, share your news with coworkers. It doesn’t have to be significant news; it can be as simple as waking up in a good mood. When you share such moments, you disarm those who don’t expect it, creating a connection to help savor the experience.
It's these little moments that help loneliness fade. They can also foster new or existing connections. When we fail to connect, we often default to behaviors like endless net surfing on our phones, which can be very isolating. By building personal connections, we reduce loneliness and practice social interactions -- looking others in the eye, mindful listening. Use loneliness to reach out to others and strengthen relationships, create social experiences, and improve mood, diminishing depression. Attend church services, go to a ballgame or concert. I’ve seen more than one study of regular churchgoers living longer, happier lives. I know from experience they aren't as enjoyable attended alone, yet if you approach the experience with an open mind, you’ll find a group of people with similar interests and the potential to make new connections. The goal is to be around people more.
So talk to strangers, be kind to the cashier, hold the door for the next person; each interaction can build a connection, and connections can lessen feelings of loneliness.
If you spend time online, do it actively. Opt for activities that involve participation with others. Play games or chat in forums about topics that matter to you, or video-call a friend or loved one. The more you interact, the more connected you will feel. But be honest: sharing your experiences -- parties attended, meals made -- might feel like it’s coming off as bragging, but true connections are built on genuine foundations.
Sharing isn’t just about what you’ve done; it’s also about giving a part of yourself. Share advice and demonstrate empathy and support. I think you’ll discover you are supported as well. Step outside of your own thoughts and stop fixating on yourself. I learned years ago that when you push past your comfort zone to help others without an ulterior motive, your problems often seem smaller, providing you with new perspectives. Additionally, by focusing on others rather than yourself, you feel more connected.
We can all stop dwelling on what we could have done differently in certain situations, or focusing too hard external events, people or causes that contributed to the negative spot we might find ourselves in. As with the ANTs I’ve written about before -- that is, automatic negative thoughts -- constant stressing out over loneliness won't help us resolve it. Getting trapped in the negativity cycle won't motivate us to take action, either.
[Related: How truckers can filp the script on the negativity trap]
Instead, cultivate a sense of awe. Over-the-road, we are treated to the beauty of a sunrise or sunset and can appreciate the splendor of God’s creation as we drive along our nation’s highways. Soak it in, and revel in its glory. There’s something profound about feeling small in the grand scheme of things. That’s awe at its most basic, and helps us gain perspective on our situation.
Enjoy the fruits of your labor. Finally, we work hard for our money, and while we all have monthly expenses to manage, don’t forget to enjoy it. I’m not suggesting you drown your feelings in shopping and frivolous spending, of course. However, spending money on experiences is beneficial for mental health. Use some of that hard-earned money to go kayaking, buy a fishing license, bait a hook, maybe rent a bungalow for the weekend, stroll along the beach or attend a wedding -- even if you don’t know anyone there.
Is that crashing? Maybe, but introduce yourself to a guest or the bride and groom, and bring a gift. Before you know it, you’re making connections and truly living. That’s the point; the only way to reduce loneliness is to engage fully in life.
