Roller-coaster into 2014: 2013, don’t let the door hit your tail on the way out!

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Updated Jan 1, 2014

giraffe on a roller coasterWell, here we go…we’ve spent the last week clicking up the track, one chain link at a time, to make it to the precipice of the roller coaster that has been 2013. We’re sitting at the top, waiting for someone to drop a pygmy goat from the sky so we can disengage the brake and fly down the hill into 2014, and frankly, I can’t wait to get there.

It’s been a tough year for a lot of people. I’ve heard more bad about it than good, and we seem to have struggled a lot during the 12-month stretch ourselves. I can personally say I close this year out gratefully — I don’t want to look back on it much, and I’m thankful to continue to learn lessons, even though most of them are learned the hard way. It may take me five or six times of slamming my hand in the door before I hold it differently when I close it, but I do eventually pick things up and implement them into daily life, and that’s what it’s all about.

I hate New Year’s resolutions because they’re usually ridiculous. I get carried away and resolve to do things like cure cancer and save every animal on the ASPCA commercials, which just sets me up for failure and self-loathing. I’ve been in this brain long enough to know how to trick it into doing things, so instead of making resolutions, I’ve decided just to keep a few things in mind on a daily basis. You can call it a code of ethics, or a mantra, or the ravings of someone who has inhaled waaaay too much Break Fast, but it’s how my warped mind has to operate, so dig it.

It doesn’t matter what God you follow, the only thing you’ve ever been guaranteed by it is free will and the only thing you have free will over is how you choose to act. Every situation in life is made better by someone who chooses to act in a positive manner. There is never an instance in which it is OK to be intentionally cruel, so don’t be a dick. You have absolutely no right to the next day, and if it happens that you wake up alive, it’s because you were once again given the opportunity to live and enjoy it, so make the best of it and don’t act like it’s yours to give or take.

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The days have churned on for time immemorial, you have absolutely no bearing on them, so jump in with both feet and accommodate the flow – there’s not much you’re going to do to change the outcome. It always gets dark, and if you’re lucky enough to see the light again, it starts all over.

I already know I’m going to have some trouble living this, especially the “go with the flow” part, but I don’t think it’ll hurt me to try, and my blood pressure will thank me. It’s going to be like me not saying I quit smoking, but I haven’t had a cigarette in three months. I can smoke any time I want to, I’ve just chosen not to. I realize this method of thinking seems completely crazy to normal people, but I never claimed to be normal, and I haven’t smoked in three months. [Nice work. –ed.]

We’re looking forward to 2014 – there will be so many more opportunities available with the new truck and company. Prepare for a wild ride. We intend to make this one count and want you all along with us. You must be this tall to ride, keep your hands and arms inside the cart at all times, and please don’t puke on your seatmate. Amen and pass the blackeyed peas.