‘Cheap diesel’ makes my eye twitch

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Eye twitchHey, guess what? There are actual brokers and agents out there with loads they’re posting at less than 0.88/mile. I feel like we should make a list of these people and force them to wear a giant red “A” on their shirts – and not as a symbol of their undying love for Bama or a reference to extramarital affairs. No, we place these As to honor the A-holes who continue to spout the phrase “cheap diesel” and reserve a special place in the ninth ring of hell for anyone dumb enough to try to sell an 0.88/mile load with the same phrase.

I don’t know how anything ever gets out of Golden, Colo. I also don’t know how anything ever gets in, because we avoid that area like the plague. Golden is a vortex of cheap loads and people who say, “Maaaaan” — a lot.

Don’t be fooled by the great rate going in, you will be raped in public coming out with a 44,000-lb. load of liquor that requires you to wait 12 hours for Tommy Chong and his fervent followers to load, and that a broker is indignant about paying a dollar a mile for.

“Hey, a dollar a mile is a great rate! Diesel is cheap right now! Tell ya what, go ahead and take it, and we’ll throw in a banana for your monkey! I’m feeling generous!”

Screw. You.

I think the FMCSA should implement a rule that says if anyone uses the “diesel is cheap” argument they are rendered a swift and brutal throat punch. OK, that may be extreme. They can have to the count of three to run before the swift and brutal throat punch, because I’m a fair kind of person, which is probably why the statement itself makes me so crazy.

These “diesel is cheap” people can just let me know when all this cheap diesel changes the cost of having our truck worked on, or putting new tires on it, or paying the ungodly tolls that just keep getting higher and higher, or putting groceries in it – and us. Let me know when having to factor in half the fuel surcharge we were getting six months ago “helps” my budget. Oh yeah, you can also let me know where I’m going to come up with the increase in all the insurance premiums, or how I’m supposed to keep up with the skyrocketing cost of healthcare – which we are now forced to pay for, because we’re small business owners who own virtually nothing and we take it in the nuts harder than anyone.

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When you can equate cheap diesel to all these things, you’re allowed to say it. Until then, I hereby impose the swift throat punch rule.

You’ve been warned.

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