Tag: satire: Page 2

Business
A brief history of extortion
From the ship of Captain John Jacob Brake: “Our ship was lured to the aid of the nefarious Captain Lucifer Von Ahab with a false appointment time, and we were snared in the grasp of his safety ropes before he viciously raised the grocery warehouse flag.”
November 16, 2016
comics-characters
Business
Let’s go truckin’
“Who wouldn’t want to hit the wide open road for a few weeks? All the freedom and glamor, not to mention making tons of money while traveling. But first, you gotta get legal … Just make sure you’ve got enough left over to pay the lumpers.”
October 21, 2016
no more money
Business
Mortality is no longer a lawful option
“We as a Nation are safe and we must strive to be safer. In order to prove how safe we are, we are introducing legislation that makes dying a federal offense, punishable by a frownie face on your CIA dossier and up to ten years in the pen.”
October 12, 2016
“One million dollars!”
Business
When Bessie’s butt attacks
“I have it on good authority that by the year 2020, all cow butts will be equipped with DPF systems.” … On the upside, noted a glass-half-full type of observer: “When the DPF catches fire, you got steaks!”
September 21, 2016
no-farting-sign
Business
PROBE goes on the warpath
This just in: Everything is banned, and what isn’t banned is immediately and henceforth considered offensive and/or dangerous to the entire human condition.
September 19, 2016
Leopard Tortoise (geochelone Pardalis) In Serengeti National Park, Tanzania, Africa
Business
Canada to move to Mexico if Trump is elected
As this report was going to press, developing news suggested Mexico had fired back with an announcement it would be relocating to Canada if Hillary Clinton is elected President of the United States in November, causing much concern over whether or not there will be a tear in the space-time continuum when migrating countries collide.
September 2, 2016
election-2016
Business
Confessions of a two-timing writer
Wendy asks for forgiveness for fiction: “I’ll make it up by continuing to report the real-life road weird, and promise to never intertwine the two — unless, of course, I’m telling one of my filthy lies.”
August 12, 2016
Wendy with Anderson Bean boots and pretty trucks
Business
Scoot McGutbagger and the 62 mph truck
A talk with that famous driver also referred to as “that guy in a governed truck who won’t stay out of the passing lanes,” though he prefers the title “Super-Duper Trucker” to anything else.
August 3, 2016
Look-boys-a-supertrucker-meme
Business
When the bees stopped helping the potatoes
“Don’t send a potato to represent the interests of the grapes. Also, if you’re going to wine, put it in the right cask. One more thing: don’t poop in your own vineyard and expect to have a lot of visitors, especially from worker bees.”
July 6, 2016
Viva la grappe!
Business
Future’s so bright, I gotta wear lead underwear
“I’m not sure where all these people who are envisioning a rash of child molesters grabbing kids in the bathroom … are coming from – or what bathrooms they’re sending their kids unattended into …”
May 6, 2016
Anybody got a copy on the bathroom situation up here?
Business
A brief timeline of 83,000 years
“Let’s take a chance on disrupting the space-time continuum, and just cruise through what’s happened in the past 83,000 years, while we were sitting in traffic last year.”
April 29, 2016
Og leaves instructions to take the loop, but unfortunately they’re misinterpreted.
Business
When the blind lead the blind
“Ladies and gentlemen, we have our new administrator! … The potato chip has more experience than anyone else in the agency, because it’s actually been on a truck before.”
March 7, 2016
Ladies and gentlemen, we have our administrator!
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