Tag: satire: Page 3

Business

The Dipwad 500

Wendy on the most popular race going: “Ladies and gentlemen, you heard it here. Truck stop racing is based on the premise that no one else around matters much, and safety is for the birds.”

March 2, 2016

Business

Doughnut wars 2020

Wendy offers a vision for the future of trucking: “A ‘one doughnut a week’ mandate, in which all CDL holders will be issued ‘good boy’ credits they can trade for snacks that aren’t offered on the gubmint-approved driver menus.”

February 1, 2016

Business

Doing the ELD dance

“There are rumors of a last-minute amendment in the rule that says if you can prove you have six toes on your right foot, you don’t have to run a log book at all.” .. More on the ELD mandate and its exceptions.

December 11, 2015

Business

Ode to the highway bill

Rhyming couplets for the road: “Here I sit, all pieced and sideways / Came to fix the broken highways / Ended up a pork-filled deed / To satisfy the gubmint greed …”

November 13, 2015

Business

Space truckin’, gubmint-style

"The 1,500-light-year trip will be a Herculean effort, especially since all astronauts will be required to take a 30 minute break after eight hours of spaceship piloting."

October 16, 2015

Channel 19

Navigating ‘amateur day’ with the four-wheelers

“Amateur Night,” by driver Bill Patterson: “I dread Saturday nights. You never know what will happen.” Profiling the texter, the brake-footer, the rubbernecker, the NASCAR wannabe and …

August 18, 2015

Business

The infrastructure is funded!

“It’s April 1, and this entire post may or may not be a filthy lie, but we all know who the fools are.”

April 1, 2015

Voices

Regulators: Santa Inc.’s authority revoked over medical cards, hours violations, more

When we attempted to reach out to Mr. Claus for confirmation of this grave report, his secretary referred us to the FMCSA Register, which showed a Dec. 23 listing for new operating authority granted to Claus LLC.

December 24, 2014

Business

On the trail of the elusive budget

Wendy Parker runs it down: “Most members of Congress were unable to respond, as they were too busy practicing reading ‘Green Eggs and Ham’ for their dramatic and uninspired filibusters.”

October 6, 2013

Business

Wash hands, prevent crashes

I have it on good authority the FMCSA will be unveiling their “We are the Borg” campaign sometime next year. It will require drivers to look directly into an inward-facing dashcam every 30 seconds and moo.

July 22, 2013

Channel 19

FMCSA calling off so-called ‘red-shirt mandate’

FMCSA is conducting an internal review of all enforcement activities after the Truck-Regulation Public-Comment-Believability Index (TRPCBI) measure associated with the red-shirt NPRM flew into “way too positive” territory.

April 1, 2013

Voices

Breaking: Regulators apologize for delaying Santa

Regulators have determined the Claus operation is an imminent hazard to the motoring public and have ordered Santa to cease operation effective immediately.

December 24, 2012